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InContext
Anti-Feminist Ideals in Fifty Shades of Grey
May 2, 2012 by Marina DelVecchio
In the past year, E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey (Vintage, 2012) has
taken female audiences by storm. Considered equal in consumption to
Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series, Fifty Shades of Grey has become the
series that women are obsessed with. The paradoxical issue with this
ravenous consumption is that the book is centered on bondage,
discipline, sadism, and masochism (BDSM). And as much as this is how
the book is sold to the public, the story is more erotic than sexually
deviant as these BDSM activities imply.
But the question remains, why do housewives and mommies rave as much as
they do about this particular book, when it supports the
objectification and submission of women?
Here are some dangerous myths perpetuated in this book about men and
women:
The Virgin vs. the Deviant: An age-old concept, historically, women
have been forced to remain virgins until they are wed or find true
love, never being allowed to become sexually aware of their personal
likes or dislikes. I have mentioned it before, but again, I find
Margaret Atwood’s words in her essay “Pornography” radiating throughout
my reading of these texts. She observes that while boys are raised on
porn, girls are raised on romance novels, and when the two meet,
violence ensues. He expects the whore, and the young girl expects the
gentle prince. This pair meets expecting different things: he attacks,
and she submits, waiting for the romance. It’s violent, rape, and
irreversible. In this trilogy, Anastasia Steele, the first-person
protagonist, is a twenty-four-year old virgin. She’s beautiful, smart,
and a literature major, although the only story she can conjure up in
her narrative is Wuthering Heights and a few other novels wherein the
girl is a virgin and the guy is experienced. And when she falls in love
with Christian Grey, a beautiful and successful businessman, she
expects love and romance. Instead, he gives her a contract to sign, as
to her limits and expectations for a BDSM relationship. Steele has to
be a virgin in this book, because another experienced woman, like her
roommate, Kathryn, would never give in to BDSM willingly. And as she’s
a blank slate, he can teach her a kind of sex that she had never been
aware of, a kind of sex that is deviant and submissive and offensive.
But because she doesn’t know any betterâhasn’t had any other kind of
sexâvirtue and intrigue can be discovered in the sex that he offers
her. If deviant sex is all a woman knowsâall a man knows, since
Christian Grey had only been exposed to this kind of sex himself at the
age of fifteenâthen that is the only kind of sex that will appeal to
her until she can discover the other.
A Woman’s Love Can Change Men: One of the many reasons women don’t
leave abusive relationships is because the women believe that the men
will change. If a woman is patient enough, kind enough, forgiving
enough, then the man will be altered by her love for him. This is not
how it really is in abusive relationships. People are how they are
designed, and abuse is abuse. Fifty shades of “fucked up,” as Anastasia
frequently refers to him, Christian Grey has a troubled past: his
mother was a crack whore and her pimp used Christian’s toddler chest as
his ashtray. Haunted by these memories, Grey is a man who doesn’t feel
worthy of loveâthe nice kind of love that doesn’t require bondage,
whips, and chains. E.L. James asks that we forgive him for this.
Anastasia asks us to forgive him for this, since she uses this history
as a means of softening his moody and dark side. E.L. James also asks
us to believe that we, as women, because we are innocent, soft, and
inherently maternal and loving, have the power to alter a man’s
history, to change him. If we show him real loveâthat he is worthy of
loveâhe will become virtuous. Christian Grey is not a villain, but he
has a dark side that only therapy will change, not a woman. “He
objectifies her, don’t get me wrong,” one educated woman said to me
about this book, “but he changes, because of Anastasia and the love she
has for him.” No one has the power to change anyone, but this trilogy
offers us the stereotype that women are virtuous and self-sacrificing
by nature, willing to give up their needs and wants in order to appease
their men.
The Female Submissive: What both Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey
accomplish is to perpetuate the ideal of the “angel in the house,” as
Virginia Woolf penned in regards to the submissive woman in her era.
Both Twilight‘s Bella and Fifty Shades of Grey‘s Anastasia are virgins.
Both of them find themselves overcome by the experienced and brooding
heroes with dark histories. This idea that the good girl is intoxicated
by the bad boy is a motif in movies and literature, but why is it so
intoxicating? Why cannot our heroines be strong, experienced, and not
so easily overcome by bad boys and by the darkness they embody? These
romances reinforce an ideology that continues to place women beneath
menâliterally and symbolically. It shows how men perceive women, not
how we perceive ourselves. Feminist theory teaches that women’s bodies
and place in society have been defined by men, since we all live in
patriarchal societies ruled by them. Even though two women have written
these books, they are reinforcing the erotic representation of women as
men would portray them. Men love the sweetness and innocence of women,
but they also want to see that innocence turn to a dark and erotic
form. Both Bella and Anastasia do turn. In Twilight, we see Bella’s
sexual desire for her vampire hero, Edward. She tries to have sex with
him for a few books, but he denies her because he may hurt her in his
passion. With Anastasia, we see another virgin chained to a rack, being
introduced to an anal plug and one orgasm after another. But she loves
it. They’re both innocent “submissives” with sweet and quiet strength;
and they are both turned, by the men they love, into dark mistresses
intoxicated by sex.
These books tell women that they want not only to be objectified, their
bodies ravaged by objects and men for whom they will attach themselves
to the rack to please, but also that they want to be dominatedâin the
bedroom and outside of it. It’s pornography in its purest form, and
pornography thrives because men demand it. In this case, Both Meyer and
James are helping to the contribution of it, enabling the industry and
patriarchy, and indoctrinating the idea that women want to be
subjugated for the sake of love. One mom said to me, “This book has
saved my marriage,” which proves that women now must bring handcuffs to
the bedroom and assume the submissive and servile position in bed to
keep the romance alive in their marriage. These books are not helping
us form our own identities as women, or helping us locate our own
sexual desires exclusive to what pleases men in bed. They like the
school girl in the parochial uniform, as we have seen in Glee, Britney
Spears’ “Oops… I Did it Again” music video, Kill Bill‘s Gogo Yubari,
the 17-year-old sadistic girl, who also reeks of sexual appeal. Women
don’t find this kind of demure image of girlhood tainted with darkness;
men do. But Meyer and James have successfully “turned” the mainstream
female reader into the housewife who can only save her marriage by
putting on a school uniform while being handcuffed to a rack. There is
nothing feminist in this. There is nothing empowering or progressive
about these women writers, who reinforce stereotypical ideals of
womanhood, and it is sad that we are buying into it.
Marina DelVecchio
Marina DelVecchio is the author of The Prostitute’s Daughter, a memoir
in which she shows how she has used literature to combat a life of
abuse and poverty. She blogs about female agency and the necessary
empowerment of our daughters at http://marinagraphy.com. Her work can
be found at the Huffington Post, The New Agenda, the WM Parenting
Connection, and BlogHer. She teaches writing and literature on the
college level.
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46 thoughts on “Anti-Feminist Ideals in Fifty Shades of Grey”
1. Johanna says:
December 12, 2012 at 9:48 am
Quick! gather up all masochistically inclined girls into a camp to
reverse their sexuality! Everyone of them must be pressured into
becoming a bank-worker, CEO or at very least to be made to work 12
hours a day in an office!
Every girl who displays desire to become a hausfrau or get more
than 2 kids should be forced into a labourcamp!
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3. Glee says:
December 2, 2012 at 3:48 pm
Curiosity. I think this is the main reason why fifty shades trilogy
is selling like a hotcake. When I first saw its title as well as
Christian’s name flooding in my timeline, I was curious and I asked
myself, who’s Christian Grey? While I was in a bookstore, I heard a
lady looking for a copy of this trilogy in the customer service
area, but unfortunately for her, it was out of stock and it’s only
available in the other branch. To my surprise the lady was so
willing to go to the other branch jut to have a copy of the trilogy
at that very moment. Again, I was curious, I asked myself, what’s
up with this trilogy and it seems like everyone is going gaga about
it? I was really curious that I really wanted to read it too. But
unlike the lady in the bookstore, I didn’t grab a copy right away.
I did my homework first, I made a research about the book. The
first book review I read about it was very critical (and I might
say comprehensive). In the review, I’ve already discovered the
flaws of this trilogy in many aspects. I tried to read another
review, and to my great surprise, most of the reviews were the
stating the same thing about the book, and only few had said good
things about it (unfortunately they’re fans of the book). And what
really made my eyebrow raised is the (unbelievable) fact that it
surpassed Harry Potter’s record as the fastest selling paperback of
all time (seriously?). However, for the sake of fairness, I
borrowed the first book to my friend and started reading. And
honestly, I didn’t read anything extra ordinary in the book. On the
first half of the first chapter, I already knew where the whole
story would go because the story is very common among romance
novels (though those few good romance novel I’ve read did not
employ BDSM relationship). Right now, I’m still in the chapter 20
(of book 1) and haven’t moved to another chapter yet (since I
started reading it). I stopped reading it because I found it
unworthy of my reading time. The plot that ‘love conquers all’ is
so idealistic. For me, only God’s love can conquer everything. And
for a man to love a woman, a woman doesn’t need to be clumsy,
innocent and anything like Anastasia, just be yourself and be real.
I still believe that the right man comes from God.
4. Fa2 says:
December 1, 2012 at 10:31 pm
Feminism is and always has been a patriarch agenda. The patriarch
powers that be are not focused on forcing women into submissive
roles in order to abuse them. However anything thing you single out
and find data to support your claim will prove your point.
Traditional roles created by nature do not, I repeat DO NOT, make
this country money. Homemakers, stay at home moms, and women who
accept that they can be smart and live in the traditional role
defined by nature are not profitable. Feminist are profitable
coming and going. School loans, credit/car/home loans, mass
consumerism etc etc. Feminist mindset add to the machine of
America. The real victims of feminism are the children who have to
be with strangers all day, and good men who can’t find a wife
because most women have grown a penis and women that can’t find
husbands because again they’ve grown a penis. Fighting the
injustices against women don’t even coordinate with the mindset of
most feminist. Most feminist have turned into their own so called
enemy. Super huge ego having (you can never tell a feminist you
don’t agree with her view, she will certainly go super macho man on
you), masculine aggressive, power hungry men with vaginas. Now
wonder so many women are trying to find love online. To scared of
what their feminist mindset friends would think if god forbid they
say… I need a man.
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6. John says:
November 30, 2012 at 10:15 am
Most girls like to be dominated, I even dated a feminist this
summer who turned out to love being spanked, etc. You truly
alienate the majority of women with over analytical approaches that
deny the reality of common inherent desires. Best of luck.
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8. PStover says:
November 10, 2012 at 4:17 pm
I read about 1/2 of the first book and truly found it repulsive.
People that get pleasure out of reading this book have a deeper
issue than they realize. There is no way a normal loving
relationship has any of the elements or depravity that this book
demonstrates. It is quite frightening to me that so many women
accepted this pornography that denigrates woman? Help me to
understand why this is?????
9. Sid says:
October 29, 2012 at 7:04 am
I think the main problem with this book is that, as the writer of
this article pointed out, it portrays female submission as
something that will make men love you.
I read the book in about an hour. At first, I was laughing. But
then, when I was about to finish it (finally) I realized that
Christian “loved her”. Excuse me, what?
There’s nothing wrong with someone wanting to be handcuffed and all
that. There’s nothing wrong with someone wanting to be submissive,
the problem is: “Why do you want to be dominated?”
As someone said below, the whole relationship between the
characters is an abusive one. What kind of society do we have if
our women and men are thinking that love can be expressed through
violence?
These sort of stereotypes affects men, too (the whole idea that
feminism is about women only sickens me, you people got it all
wrong); it portrays men as violent human beings that can not pursue
a healthy relationship. The fact this book is a best-seller will
make men think that every woman wants to be dominated as long as
you promise “love”.
This kind of ‘literature’ is not empowering women. There is no
power in “wanting” to be dominated in order to be loved. It’s a
very distorted version of the fairy tales. The prince will love
you, as long as you’re willing to be abused.
10. Lorrie B says:
October 28, 2012 at 9:01 pm
To those who think “who cares, this is just another book”, I say
think again. The influence of a book with so many readers is
undeniable, and whether you believe it or not, you are what you
read, eat, think and choose. The fact that women around the world
want to read this is just mind-boggling. I would prefer to think
that this particular novel is more wanting more erotica, versus a
continent of women craving a sadomasochist controlling sexual
partner. To all writers out there – let’s just get to work on a
better erotic novel, push this badly-written and seriously
misguided one off the shelves, and give the readers who want
something similar something better. Lead by example!
11. Holli says:
October 13, 2012 at 2:19 am
I have been thinking for quite some time that Hollyweird and Mass
Media have taken women backward 200-300 years. First they were
telling us we needed to be bi-sexual to be “hot”. Then it was have
a threesome. Mass Media insists that sexual submission to men
regardless of our own needs is the formula for a hot, healthy
relationship. Now they want us to be slapped around. I think they
have a hidden agenda to break down the family unit to keep us poor
and at odds with each. Sadly women are so stupid and desperate to
be “hot” they jump on the next fad blindly without a thought. We
need to stop tearing each other down and support each other. Get
some self esteem and class ladies.
12. Charlie K says:
October 8, 2012 at 12:16 am
Honestly, I only fully agree with you on the second point and just
partially on 1 and 3.
First, BDSM isn’t bad on its own and most people who practice it,
are actually very normal. BDSM isn’t the dangerous aspect of their
relationship. It’s the fact that Christian controls every aspect of
her life. It’s the fact that that she can’t stand up for herself.
It’s the fact that it’s not entirely consensual.
The fact that good girls like bad guys as in guys with a dark side,
but a good heart. Guys that may have done (and still do) bad
things, but they aren’t scrupulous, they would never hurt the woman
they love. Whereas both Edward and Christian (who are basically the
same person)
13. sunshine says:
September 19, 2012 at 2:39 am
I agree with you. These books are sending a very dangerous message
that love can “fix” everything. Christian Grey is a psycho. He
loves to hurt and abuse Ana. He loves to control every aspect of
her life. This is not a romantic story. This story is about a sick
man that loves to make everyone feel inferior. This is not a real
BDSM relationship. A real BDSM relationship is about respect and
trust.
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15. lee says:
September 17, 2012 at 6:56 pm
this sort of nonsense is the reason most intelligent women hate the
idea of FEMINISM. its just a book darlings, get over it.
16. Jennifer says:
September 17, 2012 at 4:00 am
It’s a pity that such an insightful piece of writing gets such
sadly unilluminated responses.
If you can’t understand what the writer of this piece is doing
quite a good job of imparting, then the problem is with your own
failure to interpret the world around you and not her writing.
This series is retrograde, woman-hating crap and women who read it
uncritically have gone back into the kitchen, with a buttplug up
their ass, in six inch stilettoes. There’s a word for women that
thick and it’s not “sex worker”.
17. sere says:
September 11, 2012 at 5:55 am
Why can’t people allow a work of fiction to simply be a work of
fiction? Oh, I know, you need something to feed your indignation
and write about on your blogs. I’m sorry that fiction does not
reflect some idealized world you have or further your goals.
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19. Megan Hussey says:
September 6, 2012 at 10:49 pm
As a feminist erotica writer who prides herself on offering strong
female characters and equitable relationships in her stories, I
want to thank you very much for this article. 50 Shades may be a
big seller, but I despair at the statements it makes about women
and their sexuality. A read can be sexy without being sexist, and
that’s what I try to present in my books.
20. mkat says:
September 5, 2012 at 10:19 pm
This is one book I will NEVER read. Not only because it promotes
gender stereotypes but because it sounds plain stupid. I’m ashamed
to say that I have read the first Twilight book. It was horrible in
every respect from the plot to the writing style. It’s sad because
practically every other book is better yet doesn’t get the
attention. As for this book, yes it easily fulfils all the cliche
gender stereotypes. The inexperienced female virgin. The sexually
experienced bad-boy. yawn. What I find especially disturbing is
this new trend happening in Sydney in which women have adopted a
trend from “50 Shades of Grey.” Their wedding vows includes a
submission contract. This is degrading and is a giant leap
backwards. All of these women who revel in being submissive are
pathetic sheep stuck in a different time era (or possibly need
psychological help.)
21. Rai-An Perrish says:
September 4, 2012 at 7:16 pm
I’m so happy to have read this article. thanks for articulating a
lot of what i’ve been feeling about this series.i really dont’
understand the appeal of these books at all. the relationship
between the two is clearly abusive and sends many horrible messages
to women. there are many better books that portray hot sex between
two people who are actually equal and respectful of each other .
that to me is very hot but something like this.
22. Nell says:
August 31, 2012 at 11:34 am
I don’t think “men and women are made to feel they betray their sex
by being submissive”. I think if we still care about that we’re
pretty pathetically behind on the times. I think that any PERSON
who submits themselves, their well-being, their happiness
completely to someone else betrays THEMSELVES. If you don’t see
that you don’t understand feminism. I don’t care if this is a man
or a woman, I don’t like the idealization of people who make
themselves unhappy to make others happy.
I don’t think the whole “virgin” thing is such an anti-feminist
thing either. Quite like Ana, I was not interested in sex until I
truly fell in love for the first time, this was at age 23 for me.
That is just how I was, and be sure to know that my peers
definitely made sure to make me feel like a freak for it. Don’t
worry about that pressure, that goes the other way around nowadays.
However I’d like to state that my partner, who I am still with to
this day three years later, was gentle and loving and eager to
please me and not just in the bedroom to make himself feel better.
Christian Grey is just a butthole, really plain and simple.
What offends me also about 50 Shades is the shallowness of Ana’s
“intellectualism”. She is supposedly a student, a self proclaimed
“geek”, but apparently she was so busy memorizing pointless quotes
from obvious classics that she failed to get the message from those
books, which is that people have been fighting from freedom of
will, speech and true happiness for centuries. And especially women
did not possess those basic rights for much too long. I think it’s
very ironic that Thomas Hardy is her biggest classic favorite. She
could have chosen a Bronte Sister, Jane Austen, but out of that
whole era of “women who finally let themselves have voices” she
chose the one heroine that was written by a man. I was a college
student not too long ago, I did literature subjects and read all
the classics and more, and I know girls who read them for fun all
day almost every day. They are much smarter, more empowered by
their knowledge and don’t need to make obvious references to “Sir
Gawain… or Sir Lancelot!” to convince themselves they are into
anything. It was forced, shallow and frankly an insult to the
intelligence of well-read women all over the world.
23. Sara H says:
August 26, 2012 at 3:55 am
It’s ironic, that both men, and women have voiced opinions to the
effect of, that either submissive men, or submissive women, by
being submissive, are “betraying their gender”.
With homophobia, it’s been scientifically shown, that the more
homophobic the person was, the more they aroused and stimulated
they became to gay images.
The conclusion being that homophobia is directly linked to
suppressed homoerotic tendencies in the part of the homophobe
Is it possible that people who are “submissiphobes” (to coin a
term) are just uncomfortable with some aspect of themselves?
Just like homophobia which has been scientifically shown to be
linked to suppressed homoerotic tendencies in the homophobe, is it
possible that the men who are uncomfortable with submissive men,
and the women who are uncomfortable with submissive women, are
truly just uncomfortable with some submissive aspect in themselves?
Perhaps, secretly, they think some aspect of that submission they
are seeing in the submissive man or woman is kindof hot, and they
are afraid to look at that aspect in themselves.
Homophobes can be very violent to gay men and lesbians, and
transgender people.
Perhaps it’s no different with kinkaphobes and submissiphobes.
Perhaps it’s not the problem with the existence of submissive
people.
Perhaps the problem lies in themselves, the person who is
uncomfortable with it.
24. TM says:
August 17, 2012 at 10:50 pm
THIS BOOK IS NOT ABOUT BDSM.
I enjoy sadomasochism and bondage in real life, but hate this book.
Real BDSM relationships are based on mutual trust, respect and
love.
It has nothing to do with “women’s freedom”. Girls are free to
choose to be submissive with their partner if they wish to, but
this book promotes abusive behavior. The man is cold and possessive
and the girl has such a low self-esteem that she stays with him and
tries to change him. Please, PLEASE girls, don’t act this way. You
can have any kind of sex you want, but it shouldn’t involve mental
abuse.
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26. Beck says:
August 12, 2012 at 6:00 pm
How is this book a manifestation of patriarchy? I’m sorry but what
a cop-out to blame the imaginary evil patriarchy for coercing women
to buy this book. Women are free, just like men, they and they
alone are responsible for buying a book. Please stop spreading this
victimhood feminism and encourage people to take responsibility for
their own actions.
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28. amethyst says:
August 2, 2012 at 12:08 pm
Amazingly accurate article.
29. Madge says:
July 31, 2012 at 9:41 am
I couldn’t agree more with your review! This book is the kind of
bullsh*t women should be steeling our minds AGAINST.
30. Anon says:
July 30, 2012 at 4:48 am
While I’ll agree completely that this book is utter emotionally
manipulative garbage, I have to disagree about how Anastasia only
agreed to a BDSM relationship because she was a virgin. I know you
wouldn’t have meant it that way, but it’s hurtful to those who have
such desires, many of whom are struggling to accept them in a
society that still believe that woman cannot own her sexuality be
it dominant or submissive.
31. Rachael says:
July 29, 2012 at 10:40 pm
I’m sorry but you’re saying that THIS is what women want? They want
to be objectified and treated as nothing but sex toys? Honestly get
some self-respect. Porn and sex are great but sadomasochism is just
plain wrong! It’s basically telling us that it’s ok for women to
allow themselves to get beaten up in order for some bloke to get
off on it. I’m so glad I’ve read this article because hearing my
own sister rant and rave about it and then tell me that I’m judging
it on my own experiences was extremely frustrating! I’m glad that
I’m not the only one who feels this way. Thank you so much! xxx
32. lee says:
July 26, 2012 at 9:07 am
love porn, but this book is just little girls erotica not the real
thing. love how it’s got the radicals and fundamentalists all hot
and bothered though. most fun i’ve had in months
33. Dani says:
July 22, 2012 at 10:55 pm
Melissa, you poor, submissive girl. You just proved her point and
more.
34. Melissa says:
July 21, 2012 at 2:49 am
Youre missing one ENORMOUS aspect. That’s, that women everywhere
LOVE this book! You seem to be upset that women can’t be free with
their sexuality, but has it dawned on you that for a lot of women
THIS is exactly what they want? You’re just upset that it doesn’t
fit into what YOU believe a woman SHOULD want! By the way, porn
doesn’t exist JUST because men demand it (which they don’t, they
simply watch and purchase it.) Porn actually exists because there’s
no shortage of women who will forsake any and all dignity, modesty,
shame, and pride for the almighty dollar! Feminism is nothing more
than your own false belief that you aren’t what you really are!
Feminism is a failure to accept womanhood, and it’s nothing more
than shame in being a woman and envy of men. Get over it, we don’t
need feminists, we need women who know the difference between right
and wrong, and who know the difference between men and women.
Neither is better than the other. But both are SUPPOSE to be
complimentary to each other.
35. Nelly says:
July 19, 2012 at 10:25 pm
I disagree he never changed, he changed the way he reacts to things
and events. he is still the same person but yes now he knows what
love is. only upset and discourages women that gave up on love
would say otherwise. Steele did not know what she was getting
herself into and when she had choice she did not leave.
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38. Alexandra says:
June 9, 2012 at 4:35 am
Oh good grief. BDSM is a two-way street- there are female
submissives and there are male submissives. The fact that the book
focuses on one female submissive does not mean that it is
suggesting that every woman should be submissive. Sex does not have
to be equal, and neither do relationships. They should be whatever
make the people involved happy. How is it feminist to tell other
women that it’s only acceptable to do sex and relationships a
certain way?
39. Lets says:
June 5, 2012 at 11:22 pm
I read this book on Kindle after reading about it in the paper and
was shocked – I’m not a prude by any means, but I saw it only as
emotional abuse of the worst kind. I can’t believe women everywhere
are buying into this garbage. And also, how many times does she
have to refer to her ‘inner goddess’. My inner goddess says, not on
your life mate!
40. Rosie says:
May 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm
Thank you for writing this! I totally agree with you. I was shocked
and extremely disappointed to hear of women praising this trilogy
and defending it as feminist triumph. I’m glad I’m not the only one
to think otherwise!
41. Elle says:
May 25, 2012 at 10:28 pm
While I agree that the “virgin” aspect of 50 Shades is a bit
frustrating, I completely disagree with the assertion that the only
reason the main character consents to the BDSM relationship is that
“because another experienced woman, like her roommate, Kathryn,
would never give in to BDSM willingly.” That’s a complete
falsehood. There are plenty of submissive women with sexually
diverse backgrounds who have had vanilla sex, kinky sex, and all
the sex in between. Declaring that women only want this because
they haven’t been acquainted with anything else is offensive.
This article is just as anti-feminist as the authors it accuses.
The simple fact is that if there were a very successful article
about feminine domination, many of the same people crying
anti-feminism now would call the same in that case.
Another note I’d like to add is that the idea that men run the
pornographic world is antiquated and false. There is a growing
market for pornography aimed directly at women and their desires. I
think 50 Shades is aimed at both men and women who want to dominate
and submit in equal measure. There is no doubt that the books are
pornographic, but that doesn’t mean they’re bad.
All in all, this article bases most of its frustrations on the
misguided belief that only sexually naive women would consent to be
submissive, that male dominance can only imply patriarchy and
oppression of women, and that slut-shaming is still totally okay.
On a personal note, while reading this book, I found myself
identifying with the male character more than the female. As a
sexually dominant woman in a relationship with a submissive man,
this didn’t surprise me. So yes, I do bring handcuffs, tape, and
rope into the bedroom. But they’re not for me. They’re for him. And
for women who read the book and find themselves wanting to bite
Anastasia’s lip, too, I say more power to them.
42. Pingback: Fifty Shades Of Grey - 11 Things About 50 Shades
43. Marina DelVecchio says:
May 22, 2012 at 2:53 am
Kate, I remember âNine and a Half Weeks.â Love this line of your
response:”It is a sad commentary that even today, women cannot feel
comfortable (and neither can men) with expressing themselves
sexually, with being on equal footing in the board room, classroom,
across the kitchen table, the changing table and in the bedroom.”
It’s true, and it speaks to the controlled and normalized sexuality
enforced upon women by patriarchy. We have a long way to go in
terms of defining our selves and our needs.
44. Marina DelVecchio says:
May 22, 2012 at 2:51 am
Hi Margaret,
Thanks for responding to this. I think E.L. James saw a market and
so she fed it — with drivel.
45. Margaret says:
May 17, 2012 at 1:41 am
I am no way a prude,but the first thing that came to mind when
reading this is ‘Insecure,Obnoxious,Narcissast’.He dosnt have the
guts to take a real woman but to rob a young girl of her
innocence.The poor girl will have to be in therapy for the rest of
her life!Many women in my work place was raving abut this book so I
decided to read it for myself…sad to think what mental level EL
James is on.Give me Jackie Collins,the strong heroic figure.Wish I
could meet Mr.Grey..I would screw his mind up beyond belief(from a
40something year old woman)
46. Kate Robinson says:
May 15, 2012 at 2:48 pm
Oh, Marina! I love this review and analysis! I heard about this
book and wondered, “Why would anyone want to read this?” To me, it
came across as actually a young girl’s fantasy of being “taken” by
a father-like man, yet not father, so there is no worry of incest.
The girl is also “of age” so it’s not Lolita. However, in every
other way, Anastasia seems very much the naive youth, yet well past
the “age of consent.” I chocked it up to women not only harboring
these fantasies, but also of fantasies of exploring more deviant
sex acts that they are otherwise prohibited (or inhibited) about
exploring.
This book, like the decades-old-now “Nine and a Half Weeks” are
ways for women to escape into these fantasies in a socially
acceptable manner. It is sad, you are right, that this is the case.
It is a sad commentary that even today, women cannot feel
comfortable (and neither can men) with expressing themselves
sexually, with being on equal footing in the board room, classroom,
across the kitchen table, the changing table and in the bedroom.
I say it is high time for women to demand what it is they want from
relationships and to leave behind men who aren’t on board. Oh, and
leave also these supposedly “controversial” books with their
depictions of things no so risqué, but rather pathological and
demeaning.
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