#facebook instant articles work rss Apple RSS The Irish Times - Life & Style [p?c1=2&c2=8946263&cv=2.0&cj=1] IFRAME: //www.googletagmanager.com/ns.html?id=GTM-M9Q373 * Search * Newsletters * Crossword * Notices * My Account * Subscribe * Sign In [adserv|3.0|826.1|4269019|0|225|ADTECH;loc=300;target=_blank;kvtopic=Pe ople;kvcat=social+issue;cookie=info;] Menu The Irish Times Tue, Dec 27, 2016 ^Sign In Welcome * The Irish Times * News * Sport * Business * Opinion * Life & Style * Culture * More * Video * Podcasts * Executive Jobs * Search * Subscribe * My Account * Sign In * Life & Style * People * Obituaries * Weddings * New to the Parish All Life & Style * Food & Drink + Recipes + Restaurants + Drink * Homes & Property + New to the Market + Property Clinic + Design + Take 5 + Fine Art & Antiques + Gardens * Health & Family + Parenting + Fitness + Get Swimming + Get Running + The Health Centre + Healthy Town * People + Obituaries + Weddings + New to the Parish * Travel + Ireland + Europe + Long Haul + Walks * Motors + Car Reviews * Fashion + Beauty * Abroad + Join the network + Generation Emigration + Working Abroad + Returning to Ireland + Australia + Canada + Gulf States + New Zealand * Specials + Best Sports Club + Best Shops + It's Christmas * Podcasts + The Women's Podcast + Róisín Meets + Ross O'Carroll-Kelly * Partner Sites + MyHome.ie By using this website, you consent to our use of cookies. For more information on cookies see our Cookie Policy. (BUTTON) X Coping: Learn to laugh maniacally in the face of stress My usually optimistic partner is feeling the pressure – but it hasn’t completely changed him Thu, Jun 9, 2016, 09:00 Laura Kennedy Photograph: iStock Photograph: iStock A distinct change in atmosphere has fallen upon our house. Usually I am the one who suddenly gets anxious at 7pm because I realise how many tax returns I will have to file if I live out my expected lifespan. I am the one who staggers out of bed at 3am and sits on the loo in a semiconscious state, worrying vaguely about the future. Lately, however, there has been a shift. My partner is the one showing signs of stress. This is out of character. He is usually one of those remarkable creatures – an optimist. A cynical barnacle I clamp on to his optimism like a sort of cynical barnacle who says useless things such as “That idea will probably never work”. When he contradicts me with a sincere and upbeat retort, I jut out my feathery barnacle-feeding appendages, soak up the optimism and become a slightly better human being. When my brother met my partner, Jules, for the first time, he was shocked. When I asked later what he thought of my choice, he said something along the lines of, “Well . . . I mean. He’s enormous, isn’t he? I like him, but he’s not who I thought you’d end up with.” I asked why. “I mean, I thought you’d end up with an octogenarian poet. The sort of person who was so old and miserable that you’d have to wheel them about and try to find a publisher for their shite poetry.” “Right,” I said. “But Jules is very big and very loud. He laughs all the time and has a girl’s name, and when we went for a walk earlier he hid behind a parked car. I had no idea where he’d gone. I eventually found him hunched behind an old Peugeot, giggling to himself. He’s like an enormous child; far too upbeat for you, I would have thought.” ADVERTISEMENT [adserv|3.0|826.0|6366095|0|170|ADTECH;loc=300;alias=;cookie=info;kvinl ine=1] I bristled. “Firstly, it’s not a girl’s name. It’s French. Not that that matters. And secondly, obviously I agree with you. I think he’s good for me, though.” My brother agreed, perhaps surprised to find that I now know what’s good for me. Now Jules is coping with finishing his PhD thesis, which is due to be submitted in just under 13 weeks. It is the culmination of years of work, and the pressure is immense. I’m coping with the sudden shifts in mood around the house. One moment, he will be his normal, jolly self. Then he will turn to me with the spooked demeanour of a wild horse being forcibly shod, and shakily say something like, “I just realised I might be a fraud”. I’ll remind him that every single person working on a PhD has imposter syndrome, and he’s not a fraud but in fact very good at what he does, and then I’ll make tea. We must win Edward Gibbon, who wrote The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire in a pocket-friendly six volumes, said: “We improve ourselves by victories over ourselves. There must be contests, and we must win.” We all know this, I suppose. It’s only by pushing ourselves into realms of deep discomfort that we develop. That knowledge isn’t much comfort, though, when you live with a deeply stressed man who is staring at his laptop, wearing nothing but a pair of underpants and an open dressing gown, shouting “I’ve lost all today’s work; this arsing machine!” Beneath the stress, however, he is his old self. Yesterday he was completing a job application while clicking his tongue. “Why are you making dinosaur noises?” I asked. He looked at me seriously. “Those aren’t dinosaur noises. These are”– he let out a screech – “know your noises, Laura, before you start accusing people of making errant noises.” And he laughed for a full three minutes. * Topics: * Edward Gibbon * Roman Empire Subscribe. More from The Irish Times * Fashion Dress, €18, Penneys How to work the sales to get the new season’s trends * Food & Drink Donal Skehan’s harissa baked eggs The best brunches for entertaining * Motors Noah was impressed with the back space legroom Father and son take a European trek in Skoda’s new Kodiaq * Film Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, out now on general release Six of the Best: Films to see on the big screen this Christmas Sponsored Maia Dunphy: There is no end to the conversations that can be had on this subject and there are countless angles from which to approach them. Photograph: Getty Images Making a difficult fertility journey a lot less lonely Redbreast Lustau Redbreast Lustau: an old friend with a new whiskey perspective Infertility and the workplace Infertility and the workplace: one woman's experience HIA Do you know how much you’ll save by switching health plan? ADVERTISEMENT [adserv|3.0|826.1|4269020|0|170|ADTECH;loc=300;target=_blank;kvtopic=Pe ople;kvcat=social+issue;cookie=info;] ADVERTISEMENT The Irish Times Logo Commenting on The Irish Times has changed. To comment you must now be an Irish Times subscriber. SUBSCRIBE GO BACK Error Image The account details entered are not currently associated with an Irish Times subscription. Please subscribe to sign in to comment. Comment Sign In ____________________ ____________________ [_] I agree to the Terms & Conditions, community standards and Privacy Policy (Submit) SIGN IN Forgot password? The Irish Times Logo Thank you You should receive instructions for resetting your password. When you have reset your password, you can Sign In. The Irish Times Logo Please choose a screen name. This name will appear beside any comments you post. Your screen name should follow the standards set out in our community standards. Screen Name Selection Hello Please choose a screen name. This name will appear beside any comments you post. Your screen name should follow the standards set out in our community standards. ____________________ Only letters, numbers, periods and hyphens are allowed in screen names. (Submit) CONFIRM The Irish Times Logo Commenting on The Irish Times has changed. To comment you must now be an Irish Times subscriber. SUBSCRIBE Forgot Password Please enter your email address so we can send you a link to reset your password. ____________________ (Submit) SUBMIT Sign In Your Comments Sign In Sign Out We reserve the right to remove any content at any time from this Community, including without limitation if it violates the Community Standards. We ask that you report content that you in good faith believe violates the above rules by clicking the Flag link next to the offending comment or by filling out this form. New comments are only accepted for 3 days from the date of publication. ADVERTISEMENT [adserv|3.0|826.1|4269021|0|170|ADTECH;loc=300;target=_blank;kvtopic=Pe ople;kvcat=social+issue;cookie=info;] Most Read in Life & Style 1 Claire Fox, the author of I Find that Offensive, feels that issues such as childhood obesity have been “catastrophised” 'If you're a young, white straight man today you're in trouble' 2 She brought her face up close to mine and I could feel her breath on my cheeks when she spoke.“Do you want to shag?” she whispered. Michael Harding: The first time a woman asked me ‘do you want to shag?’ 3 Ruth Fitzmaurice at Ladies’ Cove in Greystones, Co Wicklow I found my tribe at the cove in Greystones 4 Our favourite houses of 2016 5 Dress, €18, Penneys How to work the sales to get the new season’s trends 6 The O’Donnells: Peter, Bernadette, Aidan, John, Maureen (Curran) and Brian. Taking our first transatlantic flight to visit my four brothers in Canada 7 George Michael (Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou), singer and songwriter, born June 25th, 1963; died December 25th, 2016 Obituary: George Michael 8 14 Irish phrases most people won’t understand abroad 9 Donal Skehan’s harissa baked eggs The best brunches for entertaining 10 Johanne holds Siobhan who cannot walk, is non-verbal, does not eat solid food, is doubly incontinent, and has only one kidney. Photograph: Brenda Fitzsimons Minding my disabled daughter: 'I don't want to do this any more' Never miss a story. SUBSCRIBE [image.png] IFRAME: https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/users /173613173&color=ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comment s=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false Subscribe on iTunes Follow on Soundcloud Listen on Stitcher IFRAME: //www.facebook.com/plugins/likebox.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook. com%2FIrishTimesHealth&width=292&height=258&colorscheme=light&show_face s=true&header=false&stream=false&show_border=true [image.jpg] IFRAME: https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/users /86703071&color=ff6600&auto_play=false&hide_related=true&show_artwork=f alse&show_comments=false&show_playcount=false&show_user=false Subscribe on iTunes Follow on Soundcloud Listen on Stitcher Obituaries Obituary: George Michael Obituary: George Michael 1980s pop star who became celebrated artist and gay icon Obituary: Declan Burke-Kennedy Obituary: Declan Burke-Kennedy Focus Theatre co-founder, playwright and journalist Mary Anderson/Emerald O’Leary: champion of women’s rights Obituary: a founder of Irish Women’s Liberation Movement who helped women onto juries Something For The Weekend Something For The Weekend Sign up to receive our email sent every Friday featuring offers, competitions and a preview of what’s coming up in the weekend edition. Subscribe About Us Policy & Terms Subscribe * Subscription Bundles * Gift Subscriptions * Home Delivery Irish Times Products & Services * ePaper * eBooks * Crosswords * Newspaper Archive * Email Alerts & Newsletters * Article Archive * Executive Jobs * Page Sales * Photo Sales About Us * Advertise * Contact Us * The Irish Times Trust * Careers Download on the App Store Download on Google Play * Our Partners * Rewarding Times * MyHome.ie * Irish Racing * Entertainment.ie * Top 1000 * MyAntiques.ie * The Gloss * Irish Times Training * Terms & Conditions * Privacy Policy * Cookie Information * Community Standards * Copyright * FAQs © 2015 THE IRISH TIMES For the best site experience please enable JavaScript in your browser settings Sign In ____________________ ____________________ (Submit) Sign In Forgot Password? Don't have an account? Subscribe * Subscriber Only Articles * The ePaper * eBooks * Subscriber Rewards * IT Sunday * Email Newsletters * Breaking news app * My Account * Newspaper Archive * Crossword Club * Sign Out SUBSCRIBE ____________________ (Submit) Tue 27/12/2016 * News + Ireland + World + Politics + Crime & Law + Social Affairs + Health + Education * Sport + Rugby + Soccer + Gaelic Games + Golf + Racing + Other Sports + Women in Sport + Comment * Business + The Economy + Your Money + Companies + Technology + Work + Commercial Property + Comment * Opinion + Editorials + Letters + Columnists + An Irishman's Diary + Opinion & Analysis + Martyn Turner * Life & Style + Food & Drink + Homes & Property + Health & Family + People + Travel + Motors + Fashion + Abroad * Culture + Books + Film + Music + Stage + Art & Design + TV, Radio, Web + Treibh * More + You are what you read + eBooks + Offers + Jobs + Family Notices + Competitions * Video * Podcasts + Inside Politics + World View + Second Captains + Business + Róisín Meets + Off Topic + The Women's Podcast * Executive Jobs * Crosswords * Newsletters * Notices ____________________ (Submit) ____________________ ____________________ Forgot Password? (Submit) Sign In Invalid email or password. Not an Irish Times subscriber? Subscribe * Subscriber Only Articles Specially selected and available only to our subscribers * Newspaper Archive 150 years of Irish Times journalism * Crossword Club Digital Simplex and Crosaire crosswords * eBooks Carefully curated selections of Irish Times writing * Subscriber Rewards Exclusive offers, discounts and invitations * IT Sunday Your weekly email exclusively curated for subscribers * Email Newsletters Sign up to get the stories you want delivered to your inbox * My Account Manage your account * The ePaper An exact digital replica of the printed paper * Breaking news app Our Apple and Android apps to read on the go * Sign Out