YESTERDAY, I forgot something really important. Something that I had to pick up from the office before a workshop I was running on the other side of the city at 8.30am.
When I got to the office, the door that is never locked, was locked. I had to lurk about until a stranger turned up, and then I had to reassure him that I wasn’t a crazy stalker as I followed him into the building (sidenote: the more you reassure someone that you’re not a crazy stalker, the more you seem like one).
I only just made it to the workshop on time. It was stressful.
No-one slips into bed at night and says to themselves, “I hope tomorrow is really stressful” but research shows that there may be good reasons to do exactly that.
THE STRESS PARADOX
We are all taught throughout our lives that stress is bad for us and should be avoided at all costs. We believe that stress leads to physical and psychological health problems and reduces the quality (and quantity) of our lives. And it does. But only if we think it does!
According to Stanford Psychologist Dr Kelly McGonigal, stress has a disastrous effect on us only if we believe stress is bad for us. She calls it the stress paradox.
While 33 per cent per cent of us report being really stressed globally, research shows that the higher the stress index of a particular country, the higher the reported levels of wellbeing, life expectancy, satisfaction levels and even the GDP. This is exactly the opposite of what we are led to believe.
STRESS AND MEANING
The key is how we interpret stress. If we view stress as something negative to be avoided, we suffer. If we view stress as something positive to be embraced, we flourish. It turns out that instead of feeling inadequate in the face of anxiety and sadness, these stress emotions are a sign that we are striving to reach our goals.
Having a meaningful life — one that includes multiple roles and relationships — means stress.
This is all very well in theory, but can be hard to remember when you are called in to speak to the manager, or during a frantic search for the car keys. But remember it we must.
The more meaningful our lives are the more stress we experience. Worrying about the future means that you are focused on building a better one. And that there are beings that are counting on you to make it happen.
TAKE ACTION OR TAKE CARE
Whenever you’re in a stressful situation, it is tempting to think, “This shouldn’t be happening”, but it is much more useful to accept that it is indeed happening, and then make a decision about what to do next.
There are only two choices: take action or take care. You need to take action if you’re in a situation that you have any control over. If there is no way to change or control the situation, then the only other option is to take care of yourself.
Sometimes we get these choices confused and we take action when the situation can’t be changed or we try and stay calm and contained when we should be taking action. It’s not stress that is the problem, it’s the stress about the stress.
WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER
The main thing to remember is, when you’re striving for a meaningful life, stress happens. I was stressed yesterday, because I care about doing a good job and I don’t like letting people down. As it turned out, it was all OK in the end and something good came out of it: we got to talk about stress!
Let’s help each other through the hard times and focus on keeping our stress about stress down.
Go well, everyone!
July 22 is Stress Down Day. A day to do something fun with your colleagues and raise funds for Lifeline.
