[p?c1=2&c2=9289482&cv=2.0&cj=1] IFRAME: //www.googletagmanager.com/ns.html?id=GTM-WF5MZJ9 Sections * News * Sports * Entertainment * Life * Obituaries * Cars * Jobs * Homes * Classifieds * E-Edition * Subscribe * (BUTTON) + Site + Archive ____________________ (BUTTON) * Log in * Times Reporter Subscribe Now Adopted as an adult, former foster child Megan Crites finds a mother's love in Lisa Crites [AR-190109290.jpg&MaxH=200&MaxW=200] Nancy Molnar The Times-Reporter @nmolnarTRStaff Reporter Sunday Jan 6, 2019 at 12:01 AM Jan 6, 2019 at 5:47 AM GOSHEN TOWNSHIP Lisa Crites knew she would be Megan's mother when she first met her nearly a quarter of a century ago. GOSHEN TOWNSHIP Lisa Crites knew she would be Megan's mother when she first met her nearly a quarter of a century ago. They met when Crites, a social worker, visited the home where the then 5-year-old was living. Crites was there to provide therapy to another foster child as part of her work with Personal and Family Counseling Services. "Of course when you go into a family's home, you don't ignore anyone," Crites said. "You don't ignore other children, especially. I introduced myself. I remember playing with her, a little game, just chatting." Megan left that family to live in a residential treatment center because of behaviors she was exhibiting after having been abused as a child, said Crites. Shortly thereafter, she got a call from the Tuscarawas County Department of Job and Family Services. Their question: Would Crites consider adopting a young girl who had no family members willing to take her? "The worker thought that she and I would be a good match," Crites said. "The worker told me it was Megan, so I remembered her." An opportunity lost Crites started taking foster parenting classes. She was ready to do her final project, writing her life story, when the process was interrupted. "A great aunt and uncle of Megan's had stepped forward, and said that they would be willing to take Megan into their home. Family always takes precedent in those situations. I just stepped out of the picture. I hadn't even been visiting with her because I wasn't a licensed foster parent yet. So she knew nothing about it," Crites said of Megan. It was the first time Megan slipped away from her. Megan went to live with her great aunt and uncle for more than 10 years. Although both Megan and Crites acknowledge there were some good aspects of their care — the couple raised her in a church, for instance, other factors were problematic. "It was hard for me," Megan said. "I was very sheltered. There were a lot of things I felt like I wasn't able to do, like sometimes I wasn't able to go to football games or spend time with friends or do anything like that." The family placement ended when Megan was sent to a group home in New Philadelphia at age 16. "She really hadn't been doing anything terribly out-of-the ordinary for an average teenager, but by this time, her great aunt and uncle were in their 80s," Crites said. "They were of the generation where children should be seen and not heard. (Due to) some of her natural rebellion, they took her to court for unruly behavior. At the time, she was given a probation officer and they decided to place her in the girls' group home, thought it would be best for everyone." Crites knows this now, but she didn't know it when she volunteered to work at the PAL Mission group home after Megan had been placed there. Reunited by Bible study "I was doing a Bible study with the residents on how to build healthy relationships," Crites said. "And the first night I went, there was Megan." "She knew who I was, but I didn't know who she was," Megan said. "I came home and I said to myself, 'God put this girl in my life again for a reason and I'm not going to ignore it,'" Crites said. The next day, she asked the group home director if she could be assigned to mentor Megan, since each resident was given a member of the community to work with them individually. The request was granted, providing an official means for Megan to visit Crites' home. "When she was still at PAL Mission, that first Christmas that we really spent together, I sat down and told her the story about how when she was younger, I was called and asked to consider adopting her," Crites said. "I remember her looking at me and saying, 'You mean all that time, somebody really cared about me and wanted me?' "I said, 'Yeah, you've always been wanted and cared for.'" Initially, Megan decided to stay in the foster-care system, living in the PAL Mission, when she turned 18 because she hadn't finished high school yet. But three months after her 18th birthday, she wanted to leave foster care. Crites helped her get an apartment. "Then she began to make some decisions that I couldn't really support," Crites said. "I told her that I would always be here for her, but that I couldn't support some of the choices she was making. We kind of drifted apart for a couple of years." That was the second time Megan slipped away. An unexpected call "Then in July of 2010, she called me, said that she was expecting a child and that she wanted to get her life back together and that she wanted to have a relationship with me again. Pretty much since then, we've been together as a family." Crites helped Megan get a driver's license, finish her education and get an apartment with the father of her son Kyson Malcuit, who is now 8. "I was there for his birth, been there ever since. We've pretty much been a family since that time," Crites said. Megan, 29, has been a home health aide for five years. She and Kyson live in a New Philadelphia apartment, although they typically spend Saturdays and Sundays with Crites, and have a family dinner together in the middle of the week. They spend Christmas Eve together in Crites' house, where they open presents. Kyson will be able to go sledding, when the weather cooperates, on the five hilly acres outside the home on Ridge Road NE. That might be enough of a happy landing for most people. But Megan wanted the family relationship to be official. "Any kid, I think, that's been in foster care most of their lives, they want a family," she said. "They want to feel that they're cared for. "When I was younger, and even in some of my adult years, even when I had Kyson, I struggled a lot with feeling like I was abandoned, like nobody cared. And I think most kids in foster care probably do feel that way." Adoption becomes possible In 2016, a change in state law let Crites and Megan fulfill their wishes to be mother and daughter. Crites learned from one of her University of Akron social work students that Ohio made it legally possible for an adult to be adopted as long as the "child" had been in foster care at age 18. Attorney Richard Fox handled the adoption. Since Lisa's longtime friend Sylvia Argento is the administrator of Tuscarawas County probate and juvenile courts, a visiting judge was brought in to consider the adoption. The case was handled by retired Trumbull County Probate Judge Thomas Swift, who served on a state committee that promulgated the adult adoption provision. The adoption became official on Dec. 5, three days before Crites' 55th birthday. Her daughter changed her name from Megan Sue Carruthers to Megan Elizabeth Crites. Megan said she changed her middle name because she never liked the name Sue, but thinks Elizabeth is pretty. She and her mother believe their case is the first of its kind in Tuscarawas County. Although she waited most of her lifetime to have a mother, Megan believes the timing was perfect. "I believe everything happens in God's time," she said. "This didn't happen before because God doesn't take shortcuts. Even when I was 5, I just think God didn't want to take the shortcut. "For me, to just make it official, was amazing. If anything ever would happen to me, then I know Kyson would be taken care of." "We've been a family since July of 2010," Crites said. "I think it's just strengthened and grown from that time. We were both a little hesitant at first, unsure of it. Would it work? "She's my daughter. She's called me Mom. I've always said she's the daughter of my heart. "Every year, actually at Christmas time, I would sit and look at the Christmas tree and reflect on the year, and kind of always ask for that wish of becoming a mother someday." 'You can be loved' In addition to gaining a mother and grandmother in Crites, Megan and Kyson also picked up Argento as an aunt and great aunt, as she and Crites have a sisterly relationship of 30-some years. Megan said it feels like Lisa has always been her mother. "We do things so much alike. We think alike. I'm just the daughter that she should have had. And everybody says that we look alike, too. Everybody says, 'You'd never know the difference.' I said, 'Good, that's the way I like it.'" The family structure makes Megan and Kyson "only" children. "We are spoiled, but we don't act like it," Megan said with a laugh, sharing a family joke. "We are very blessed." When Kyson opened his presents on Christmas morning, he said, "Boy, I am loved." "And that's what we want him to feel, what I want Megan to feel," Crites said. "Blood doesn't make a family," said Megan. "Love does," said Crites. "Being biologically related doesn't make you a parent. It's not in the DNA. It's in the heart." "She is my mom and my son's grandma," Megan said. "She has taught me the meaning of unconditional love. She has shown me how to be a mature, responsible, and an independent woman." She asked The Times-Reporter to share her story to let others who have been through similar experiences to know it is possible to have a real family, and to never give up. "You can be loved," Megan said. "You can have a family. People do care about you." Reach Nancy at 330-364-8402 or nancy.molnar@timesreporter.com. On Twitter: @nmolnarTR Never miss a story Choose the plan that's right for you. Digital access or digital and print delivery. 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