Story from Sex

Why We Need To Stop Judging Sexuality On Appearance

   Harriet Williamson
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   using ‘gay’ as a derogatory term like the other kids at school, waking
   up in cold, humiliated sweats after dreaming of girls, and lying to my
   parents about my sexuality. It’s taken a long time for me to feel able
   to admit that I am attracted to both men and women, so now I can, it’s
   frustrating to me that people constantly assume I’m straight. It’s
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   teens as the only ‘acceptable’ identity if I hadn’t grown up in an
   environment where gay was not ok. My parents are hardcore Christians,
   and both of them held intolerant attitudes to homosexuality. Then, of
   course, there was school. After I made the mistake of kissing a girl in
   Year 7, years of kids shouting ‘dyke’ and ‘lezzer’ at me ensued, until
--
   years spent earning my Bachelor’s degree at university, struggling with
   mental illness, and being forced to take stock of who I was and what I
   wanted in life, that I decided hiding my sexuality was now causing me
   more unhappiness than comfort. I was also lucky enough to be in a more
   tolerant environment in which to come out as queer. When I did so, it
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   feminine way are attracted to other men, and that women who present as
   more masculine or androgynous are lesbians. This narrow way of
   identifying and defining sexuality on the basis of gender expression is
   a form of unhelpful stereotyping, and can be irritating at best, and
   outright offensive and dangerous at worst. It's also completely
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   with heterosexual privilege, but clearly we need to give up the belief
   that LGBT is "other" or "alien" – because that’s just not a reality
   anymore. These days, at 24, I’d openly define my sexuality as open to
   attraction to people of all genders. Only, there's an added layer of
   confusion when I tell people I don’t define as straight: I have a
--
   Often, I have to explain to people that I was never a lesbian, and I’ll
   always be pansexual, no matter what gender my partner is. To put it
   simply: My boyfriend doesn’t define my sexuality, only I can. I might
   be in a relationship with a man, have long hair, and paint my nails
   pink, but it doesn’t make me any less queer. I’ve gone through my own
--
   If we’re serious about tackling homophobia and improving inclusion, we
   need to approach others with openness and acceptance, and let their
   sexuality stay their business. Let’s start by leaving our judgements at
   the door.
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   Sexuality And Appearance – Passing Privilege Explained
   Sex • Health
   written by Harriet Williamson