managing relationships Have a good relationship with your in-laws Submitted by danielle.woodward on 2 July 2015 -- THE PROJECT What’s your reaction to the term ‘mother-in-law’? If it’s negative, you’re not alone. Research says that 75 per cent of couples have in-law problems and 60 per cent of mother-in-law/daughter-in-law bonds are ‘draining’ or ‘simply awful’. THE AIM In What Do You Want From Me? Learning To Get Along With In-laws (WW Norton, £10.99), Terri Apter writes, ‘In-law problems are never simple and never involve simply two people.’Failure to manage in-law relationships may put your long-term happiness at risk. -- From her research, Apter found that vulnerability is often behind bad in-law behaviour; a fear that we’re not appreciated or don’t belong. If we feel rejected or criticised, a common response is to reject and criticise in return. Added to this is the issue that most of us find it easier to see other people’s faults than our own and that we may be less empathetic and less fair with our in-laws than we are with our own families. Our partner’s family may also be very different to our own. Apter points out, ‘We tend to choose a partner who offers something our -- NOW TRY IT OUT Difficult in-law relationships need to be successfully managed to prevent them damaging your relationship with your partner. If tricky in-laws are a problem for you or your partner, here are a few suggestions: * Don’t insist a partner chooses between you and your parent-in-law. Instead, help them build a bond with their parent. * Empathise with your partner. If they’re struggling with one or both -- partner in front of your parents and don’t engage in any critical conversations behind their backs. * Show appreciation to your in-laws and reassure them. Also, take time to listen to them and get to know them. * Own your responses. Aim to look at a problem without worrying about -- relationships in-law relationships relationships In-laws or out-laws? What is it about ‘Shall we visit my parents over the holidays?’ that -- by Psychologies get on with your in-laws relationships How do you manage the in-laws? packed suitcase relationships I feel resentful about my husband, our holiday and my mother-in-law mother and daughter relationship -- by Psychologies * Read more about Have a good relationship with your in-laws Master office politics without becoming a monster