+ Is Altruism an Analgesic? + Is Attachment Insecurity Putting Your Sexual Health at Risk? + Daughters-in-Law and Mothers-in-Law: Boundary Ambiguity + Bigger Brains and Higher Peak Oxygen Uptake Go Hand in Hand -- + Is Altruism an Analgesic? + Is Attachment Insecurity Putting Your Sexual Health at Risk? + Daughters-in-Law and Mothers-in-Law: Boundary Ambiguity + Bigger Brains and Higher Peak Oxygen Uptake Go Hand in Hand * Essential Reads -- Mate, Relate and Communicate Parents-In-Law Don't Want to Play Nice? How to deal with your in-laws’ objections Posted Oct 15, 2013 -- You and your spouse have been doing everything right in handling your in-laws. You became a united front. The two of you drew the lines in protecting your family. You’ve been enforcing these boundaries when challenged. So why are your parents-in-law still a pain in the ass? Being told that your behavior is inappropriate, offensive, hurtful is a tough pill to swallow. Even if your in-laws know that they’ve been out of line, you and your spouse are likely to get objections or incredulous reactions in calling them out on their behavior and saying enough is enough. This is especially true if your in-laws are high on themselves, the stubborn sort, or total narcissists. These reactions are even likelier if the situation has been going on for years, and/or if your in-laws have been getting away with treating you like a child—versus a mature adult—for far too long. Managing parents is much more easily said than done. This is especially true in situations where the in-laws don’t see the problem(s) in quite the same light, or don’t much care if they’re wreaking havoc on a son’s or daughter’s life. Many in-laws don’t want to play by the new rules, at least not right away. -- Stay firm in your position. This is not to be difficult, but because, as the saying goes, if you give someone an inch, then they’ll take a mile. Unless you stand your ground, your in-laws will work to have things their way, as Phoebe, a 37-year-old newlywed, explains: “My mother-in-law puts pressure on my husband and I to go to church every chance she gets. While I wouldn’t mind going to church, it needs to be on my accord and not because she wants to save my soul. My spiritual -- family’s wishes. Put your in-laws in their place. If boundaries are still be disrespected, then bring such to everyone’s -- again, are you?” This may need to be done several times, as positions of power don’t shift overnight, and people often act out when they feel powerless. Training in-laws can be a lot like teaching children boundaries, with a “try, try again” approach necessary. Such can, however, become really old really fast, with more extreme measures required in putting an end to unacceptable behavior once and for all. The tone of your conversations may need to change if your in-laws don’t want to take the hint and continue to disrespect your wishes. In these cases, call them out on their behavior and how it makes you feel, -- your “bottom” line, which you need to then make perfectly known. If you find yourself dealing with the same in-law issue over and over again, or new ones are cropping up, you and your spouse may need to employ any or all of the following tactics in managing his parents… -- Re-evaluate the boundaries you’ve set. If your in-laws are still draining you, consider re-drawing the lines you’ve set. You need to preserve your physical and emotional energy for those who deserve it, including your spouse. “I’m tired that my in-laws are the only recurring problem in my marriage,” shares 38-year-old Sylvia, a professor, “and that it’s always the same issues, including -- Statistics Institute study found that the chances of one’s marriage lasting go up with every one hundred yards that a couple can put between themselves and their in-laws. Plenty of couples have moved across country—or at least out of driving distance—to save their marriage from in-laws. Do you need to be one of them? Only spend time with your in-laws if your spouse is present. Your spouse shouldn’t expect you to hang out with his parents if he’s -- Meet on neutral territory. Who says that you have to go to your in-laws home if visits are a must? If you and your husband feel that you have to see them on occasion, then do so at a restaurant or another public space. This gives you more control over the situation, and can help to keep their behavior in check. Your in-laws aren’t able to call the shots as easily in public as they can when under their roof. You’re also less vulnerable in not being a guest in their home. Don’t loan anything to your in-laws or accept support. Financial or otherwise, any kind of support that is given, even in the -- Don’t involve other family members. Your in-laws may complain to other family members, who become concerned. Don’t allow others to butt in. This will make the situation worse. -- Remind yourselves of how you feel about each other. Dealing with in-laws can foster a lot of negative energy and hard feelings. Take the time to remind each other of why you chose to become a family and what you mean to each other. The two of you—and not your in-laws—are now your own family. Don’t lose focus of that at any point. * [icon-share-round-facebook-lg.svg] SHARE * [icon-share-round-twitter-lg.svg] TWEET -- 10 Ways to Improve Any Relationship Have In-Law Issues? How to Handle Your Monster-in-Law 10 Tips for Surmounting In-Law Difficulties 3 Rules for Getting Along With Your In-Laws In-Law Blues No More 5 Essential Tips for Getting Along with Your In-Laws advertisement