#MeFi Site Search Comments on: Mother-in-law troubles Popular Posts
   Popular Comments

--
     * Random

Mother-in-law troubles
September 12, 2011 3:55 AM   Subscribe

   I need some help regarding my prospective mother-in-law's involvement
   in our lives.
   Partner and I are a heterosexual couple in our late 20s (me) and early
--
   when Partner's not been with us, too.
   So. How do I go about deciding on and enforcing some reasonable
   boundaries? Has anyone dealt with a similar parent or parent-in-law,
   and found anything that helped? Or am I letting myself in for a
   lifetime of pain and frustration?
--
   i.e. enforcing boundaries.
   How do I go about deciding on and enforcing some reasonable boundaries?
   Has anyone dealt with a similar parent or parent-in-law, and found
   anything that helped? Or am I letting myself in for a lifetime of pain
   and frustration?
--
   might be in order. IANAD, and all that.
   posted by jbenben at 4:40 AM on September 12, 2011 [1 favorite]
   You don't have mother in law trouble, you have partner trouble. He
   needs to be on board with you and put your relationship first, above
   that of his with his mother. And, of course, you need to effectively
--
   there... you sound a caring and thoughtful person.
   posted by prettypretty at 4:46 AM on September 12, 2011 [3 favorites]
   Everyone's mother-in-law is special. I've had two and so I like to
   think about it like this:
   You will end up hating your mother-in-law. No matter what you do, how
   much crap you put up with, however much Christian love you expend, you
   will end up in the same place. You will despise the woman like a
--
   posted by three blind mice at 5:08 AM on September 12, 2011 [3
   favorites]
   I need to check on my father-in-law; he was alive last I checked, but
   then again, my supposedly only-child wife has kept the existence of a
   brother from me all these years. What I mean to say is THIS WOMAN IS MY
   MOTHER-IN-LAW.
   Except, because my father-in-law IS alive, the amount of things we do
   to help them around the house is extremely minimal and reasonable. But
   oh my God, the calls. I don't even look at caller ID any more. If the
--
   MIL is pretty wobbly and needs help walking and up and down stairs and
   either I or my husband will extend our arms out for her to lean on and
   provide balance. Short of that being the situation, your mother in law
   is acting really creepy and disrespectfully.
   All that said, calling for help to turn the water off is entirely
--
   maiden). So both of them are infantilised by the event, and the adult
   is dumping it all on the kid. Also, as you describe of your own
   mother-in-law, "promoting" the next-closest person into the role
   previously occupied by the husband, but with a difference - the husband
   that is being replaced is (one of) the ideal versions of husbandness,
--
   The problem here isn't the structure or frequency of your
   communication, it's the content.
   I have a mother-in-law who calls every day, who is interested in every
   detail if everything we do, who we often spend half the weekend with. I
   don't come from such a high-communication family, so it was weird for
--
   dinner/at the grocery store/finishing a movie, call back in an hour?"
   And no hurt feelings.
   How long ago was your father-in-law's death? Because it sounds like
   your mother-in-law is dealing with some serious abandonment anxiety,
   and is clinging to your partner with everything she has as her sole
   defense against Being Alone in the World. I'm not sure how you could
--
   you try to set the boundaries yourself you will be made the villain.
   posted by TooFewShoes at 6:58 AM on September 12, 2011
   Throughout your explanation, I see your mother-in-law has anxiety
   problems, self-esteem issues, passive-aggressive tendencies... and on
   top of all that, she's lost her husband.
--
   imagine that you are laying the track that ensures you will have love
   and support for the rest of your life. Sadly, things don't always work
   out that way. Your mother in law is very lucky to have a son who will
   help her with these things is still interested in socializing with her.
   She's probably keenly aware how many women like her -- even women with
--
   mother
   inlaws
   mother-in-law

                                                                        Share