Love & Money / Relationships Want to Be a Better Husband? Follow This Advice From Parents-in-Law Step up your game. -- [stopfatherinlaw-header.jpg?q=65&enable=upscale&w=600] Establishing a good relationship with your in-laws can be one of the key factors in maintaining a happy marriage. In fact, statistics have shown that, in marriages where the husband has a close relationship with his wife’s parents, the risk of divorce decreased by 20 percent. So, it’s a pretty good idea to make sure that you’ve got a good relationship with your father-in-law. But for a lot of sons-in-law, fathers-in-law can be intimidating or, at least, a bit confounding. What does he really want from you? What would he wish you do better? Does he think you’re good enough? No, you don’t need to play the character he wants you to play to keep him happy — in fact, most fathers-in-law will see through this rouse easily and think less of you — but you should at least be mindful of what he’d like to see more of from you or what you do that really pisses him off. -- ADVERTISEMENT To shed some light on the finer points of the father-in-law/son-in-law dynamic, we spoke to a handful of fathers-in-law about what they wish their sons-in-law would do better. They offered advice that all married men should find useful. I Wish He’d Lighten Up a Bit “We love our son-in-law. But I don’t think that he knows that [laughs]. I feel like he’s afraid of us. He married our daughter less than a year ago, but we’ve known him for almost three. I just wish he’d loosen up -- I Wish He’d Show Up More Often “I think I’d like my son-in-law to show up more often. He’s not a deadbeat, or anything like that. He’s a good husband, and a wonderful father. But he’s busy. The whole family is, really. I guess I’m guilty of ‘keeping score,’ to a degree. I see my other daughter and her husband almost every weekend. And I understand that my ‘busy’ son-in-law has things going on. It would just make me happy if we had a full house all the time. I know that’s unrealistic, but it’s true.” — Ted, 57, New York -- I Wish He’d Appreciate the Moment More Often “My son-in-law isn’t very sentimental. Honestly, it bothers my wife much more than it bothers me. What I mean is, he doesn’t put a lot of value in taking thousands of pictures of our grandkids, saving every -- I Wish He’d Realize His Job Is Not Worth It “My son-in-law needs to get a different job. I say this because he’s absolutely miserable, and it’s taking a toll on his family. And I know this, because I’ve been there. I worked in marketing for more than 10 -- my entire life. I would come home just, like, broken every night. I went to therapy. I took anti-depressants. But it was the job. I’ve talked with my son-in-law about it before, too. I’ve let him know that it’s not worth it, to be hating life for eight hours a day. I don’t want to see him waste so much time, like I did.” — John, 55, -- I Wish He’d “Date” My Daughter Again “My daughter and son-in-law have stopped dating. They’re married, obviously, but what I mean is that I see them falling into the pit of becoming good roommates, instead of a passionate, loving couple. They -- I Wish He’d Take Better Care of Himself “I wish my son-in-law would work out more. That sounds incredibly judgmental, I know, but it’s not a vanity thing. I had a good 10-year stretch where I just let my health go. I gained a lot of weight, and I -- didn’t realize the effects it had on my family. I got lazy. I got irritable. I missed out on a lot of potentially wonderful moments with my wife and kids. My son-in-law is headed down that road, and I don’t want him to neglect taking care of himself. For his sake, my daughter’s, and my grandkids.’ ” — Michael, 56, West Virginia -- “I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was my son-in-law’s age. And I’ve been in therapy ever since. It’s helped tremendously, and I’m terrified to think about where I would be if I didn’t seek help. I see a lot of familiar signs in my son-in-law. He’s become withdrawn, disinterested, and generally indifferent about a lot of things. I’ve talked to him, and told him about my journey, but he -- I Wish He’d Just Buy the Damn Dog “Let your kids get a puppy. What’s wrong with you? My son-in-law is a total neat freak, and his kids are just dying for a puppy. My daughter grew up with a dog. I grew up with a dog. It’s a part of the family that just makes everything better. It’s a good way to teach kids about everything from responsibility to care and compassion. So what if you have to steam clean the carpet every week? My son-in-law is a good man, and a wonderful husband. We love him very much. Just get those kids a dog. Or we might do it for you.” — William, 59, California -- I Wish He’d Act Like He Doesn’t Want to Leave All the Time “Mine’s simple — I wish my son-in-law would take off his hat when he comes to visit. I don’t find it disrespectful, or anything like that. It’s not like we play the National Anthem whenever he comes over. But, -- I Wish He’d Stop Being Such a Prick “Our son-in-law is very dismissive toward my wife and me, and it drives me fucking nuts. He’s always staring at his phone, even when we eat dinner, or just sit down to talk. He makes good money, and I think he -- all the time, and it’s going to start messing with you. Whenever our daughter’s family is at our house with their son, inevitably the kid will start crying about something. He’s 9 and has my son-in-law wrapped around his finger. At the first sign of tears, my son-in-law just rushes to him and does whatever he can to make the crying stop. He gives in all the time. It’s a recipe for disaster when that kid becomes -- I Wish He’d Make an Effort to Be More Organized “My son-in-law is very disorganized when it comes to making and remembering plans. I feel like a hypocrite, though, because so am I. It’s definitely our wives who run the social calendars. But I try. I -- I Wish He’d Ease Up on the Drinking “My son-in-law drinks. As far as I know, it hasn’t escalated past general irresponsibility. But, honestly, it scares the shit out of me. I don’t know how to approach it, really. My daughter swears it’s not a -- I Wish He’d Stop Rooting for Ohio State “I don’t really have many problems with my son-in-law. He’s a very nice guy, and he makes my daughter happy. But he’s an Ohio State fan. And I’m a Michigan fan. If you know anything about sports, you know that’s -- Thanks For Subscribing! Oops! Something went wrong. Please contact support@fatherly.com. extended family father-in-law in-laws marriage advice son-in-law ADVERTISEMENT ADVERTISEMENT