#H.A.D.I. Life Coaching » Feed H.A.D.I. Life Coaching » Comments Feed H.A.D.I. Life Coaching » How to Build a Good Relationship With Your Parents-in-law Comments Feed Ramadan and Mental Health alternate alternate -- H.A.D.I. Life Coaching How to Build a Good Relationship With Your Parents-in-law How to build a good relationship with your parents-in-law Throughout the years I have had a host of questions and concerns regarding this topic: How should we interact with our in-laws? My in-laws are causing problems in my marriage, what should I do about it? Do you recommend living with our in-laws? My in-laws are bothering me with their comments. Odds are, even if you are lucky enough to have a healthy relationship with your in-laws someone you know does not, or maybe you simply wish to make your relationship even stronger. It is possible to have a thriving, healthy, loving relationship with your in-laws and I’d like to show you some steps to achieve this goal. I know some of you might be rolling your eyes at this point. You might be thinking is it even possible to have a stress free relationship with your in-laws? Yes, it is actually possible, and by answering the following questions we will learn how: 1- How can you build a strong relationship with your in-laws from the beginning? 2- How can you repair a damaged relationship with your in-laws? 3- What if you can’t repair the damaged relationship, how can you -- ========================================== Question 1: How can you build a strong relationship with your in-laws from the beginning? -- When the time has passed with families having years of conflicts and disagreements without conflict resolution feelings fester and grow. The more negative experiences and tensions you have with your in-laws the more problems you are creating for the future of this relationship. Therefore, before you start your marriage make sure you learn about useful techniques to build a healthy relationship with your in-laws. This way you can avoid unnecessary conflicts from occurring. -- points that you should remember: 1- Forget about all the negative stories you heard about in-laws or you saw in your friend’s or families’ lives. Otherwise, you will start this relationship with a tainted outlook due to what you already heard about in-laws. Your mind will register what you heard or saw before with the new incidents and will judge them based on that. The fact is that you CAN have a healthy and strong relationship with your in-laws. Your relationship CAN be different from others. -- training of their parents. So you should be appreciative towards them. 5- Having a good relationship with your in-laws makes your marriage stronger due to your spouse’s satisfaction. I have seen many marriages that are in trouble simply because there is tension between one of the spouses and their in-laws. 6- Never try to criticize or talk negatively about your in-laws to your spouse. Remember you are talking about their parents who raised them. -- with (Read our article about “expectations”). Most probably one of the reasons that in-laws interfere in your life is because you and/or your spouse don’t or didn’t have a good relationship and complained against each other to them. You technically open the -- Question 2: How can you repair a damaged relationship with your in-laws? Many of you might fall into this category. You are already married, have some issues with your in-laws, and want to know what you should do now to repair the damaged relationship. -- I believe there is no relationship that you can’t repair if both parties are willing to repair the relationship through selflessness, accountability, and forgiveness. Even if your in-laws are not willing to cooperate to fix the relationship you can learn what you should do from your end to reduce the issues. I know what you are saying right now, oh, you don’t know MY in-laws! I know what you feel because you are having a lot of negative -- الخصال – الشيخ الصدوق – الصفحة ٨١ Here are some poor judgments that I heard about in-laws: “My mother-in-law negatively commented on my wedding gown, I will never forgive her for that!” “My mother-in-law is jealous that I married her son!” “The gifts that my in-laws gave me were not valuable” “My in-laws treat each of us differently.” 2- Make a list of those factors that you found yourself guilty of and -- If you can successfully pass the last step you will have a minimum amount of conflicts with your in-laws. However, sometimes no matter how much you try the relationship doesn’t repair the way it should, either because they don’t cooperate to repair the relationship or the -- This is the time that you should just respectfully get along with them. Some religious people complain that their in-laws are not religious and that is the reason they don’t want to have a relationship with them. All right, let’s be honest, is this the real reason that you don’t want -- they could they would have helped by now). 6- Stop complaining to others about your in-laws, including your parents and your friends. -- they will always remember that as a negative experience. For example, if you have a baby shower for your child right at the time you are angry at your in-laws to make sure you invite them. You won’t be able to make up for this even when the relationship is repaired. This will become something you will regret. Just be cordial. 9- While you don’t have an ideal relationship with your in-laws help your spouse to do their duties to their parents (this will help to repair your relationship later on). -- However, if there is no must to do so I actually recommend you not to live too close to your in-laws or don’t push your spouse to live with them. Even if you can live in the next door is better than being in the same house. The reason is that when you live with someone 24/7 you see -- humility, and forgiveness. Remember, your in-laws raised your spouse, they are the parents of the person whom you married. -- I am sure you would not want your son or daughter-in-law to disrespect you later on. -- At the end I would like to share a few points with the parents who have issues with their sons-in-law or daughters-in-law: Your in-laws are like your real son and daughter. They joined your family with many hopes and wishes to have a peaceful loving life. Treat them the way you would like your own children to be treated. -- Just because you are older and you are the parents doesn’t give you the right to violate the rights of your son or daughter-in-law. If you have a hard time letting your children be independent then you should have kept them at home and not encouraged them to get married. -- 2- Be a good role model: You are older and should have more etiquette than your in-laws. You should try to be a good role model for them and try to teach them how to forgive and forget. Always be the bigger person and be more patient. -- Be nice to them first for the sake of Allah, then your child’s happiness, and also your in-law’s happiness. It will help you to have more peace in the relationship as well. -- You might be used to talk to your children however you like. However, you should be very respectful when you talk to your in-laws if you would like them to be respectful to you as well. You should earn respect by doing the same not to expect them to respect you just -- do not take this lightly. Divorce is so disliked in Islam, plus you will be hurting your own child (and grandchildren) not just your son or daughter in law. I hope this article has helped in some way for you to build a better relationship with your in-laws. Here at H.A.D.I. life coaching we have many clients who take advantage of our services to create a better relationship with their in-laws. If you see you have a hard time doing it by yourself don’t hesitate to contact our office and start your sessions. -- ← Ramadan and Mental Health One thought on “How to Build a Good Relationship With Your Parents-in-law” 1. Farheen Abedi says: