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(BUTTON) Search with google * Make a contribution * Subscribe * (BUTTON) International edition + switch to the UK edition + switch to the US edition + switch to the Australia edition * Search jobs * Dating * Holidays * Digital Archive * Discount Codes * The Guardian app * Video * Podcasts * Pictures * Newsletters * Today's paper * Inside the Guardian * The Observer * Guardian Weekly * Crosswords * Facebook * Twitter * Search jobs * Dating * Holidays * Digital Archive * Discount Codes * Fashion * Food * Recipes * Love & sex * Health & fitness * Home & garden * Women * Men * Family * Travel * Money (BUTTON) More The secret to… Family The secret to… coping when you dislike a parent-in-law The in-laws will be around indefinitely so it might be in your best interests to overwhelm them with kindness and chat Joan McFadden Sat 30 Jun 2018 09.30 BST Last modified on Mon 12 Aug 2019 11.57 BST * Share on Facebook * Share on Twitter * Share via Email Stack of tea cups and saucers [ ] ‘Make your mother-in-law a cup of tea.’ Photograph: Kellie French/The Guardian Draw a line. Letting yourself be wound up constantly over the same things, from passive-aggressive digs to outright bad manners, is boring and stressful, so decide to take charge and change things. Counter passive-aggression with teasing and apparent affection. If your mother-in-law offers to iron your husband’s shirts so “the poor dear doesn’t have to”, tell her she’s a darling and make her a cup of tea. Emotional blackmail either needs the brisk response you give a sulky toddler, or ignoring completely. “If Aunty Mary isn’t being invited to the christening, I don’t think I’ll come, either,” needs, “That’s a shame. Never mind, you’ll enjoy the photos.” Never admit to hearing, “This could be my last birthday/Christmas/summer holiday” from a robustly healthy but domineering parent-in-law as this never ends well for you. The secret to… preparing your daughter for her periods Read more Don’t make your partner choose between you. You’ve come from two different families and you’ll keep some traditions while starting your own, but play the smart game. If you don’t want to do Sunday lunch every week at her parents, interrupt the ritual gently with something else you both want to do. Go some Sundays and make up for those you miss with little-and-often visits instead, where you’re in and out in a cheerful blur. Get them on side. Ask advice on anything they’re good at, from DIY to cooking to inspired gifts for your partner. Ignore what irritates you most and try to find something – anything! – that you can connect on. Take the long view. The in-laws will be around indefinitely so it might be in your best interests to overwhelm them with kindness and chat. Even the most irritating in-laws can make helpful grandparents, should that time arise. Topics * Family * The secret to… * Parents and parenting * features * Share on Facebook * Share on Twitter * Share via Email * Share on LinkedIn * Share on Pinterest * Share on WhatsApp * Share on Messenger * Reuse this content View all comments > (BUTTON) Order by * (BUTTON) newest * (BUTTON) oldest * (BUTTON) recommendations (BUTTON) Show 25 * (BUTTON) 25 * (BUTTON) 50 * (BUTTON) 100 * (BUTTON) All (BUTTON) Threads * (BUTTON) collapsed * (BUTTON) expanded * (BUTTON) unthreaded Loading comments… Trouble loading? 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