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How to Be a Good Parent In-Law

   February 19, 2014 by Norene Gonsiewski

   Couples frequently view their in-laws as a source of strain. I’ve also
   talked to parents who are stressed out and unsure how to be good
   in-laws to their child’s spouse. First and foremost, remember that your
   role as a parent-in-law is to support the success of your child’s
   marriage. Every action you take, every way you behave needs to be in
   service of helping your child leave you and cleave to their spouse.

Advice for Good In-Law Relationship

   Don’t let your hurt feelings cause a rift.

   A lot of issues between married couples and parents come up because of
   misunderstandings or hurt feelings. There will be unpleasantness from
   time to time. Be the older adult in the situation and practice
   acceptance and forgiveness. Don’t try to clear the air, instead let it
   go and spend time with your child’s spouse accepting them as a
   distinctive and worthy person.

   Know that your child may adopt some new family traditions.

   When your son or daughter marries, they are starting their own family
   and their own traditions. While you might feel hurt, don’t take it
   personally. Look for compromises. Talk to them about creating
   traditions you can share in. Don’t guilt-trip them, whine or complain.
   Years ago you wanted to create your own life with your spouse.  Respect
   their need to do the same.

   Respect the autonomy of your child and their partner.

   You may have ideas about your child’s marriage based on your own, but
   to remember that every relationship is different. Your child and their
   partner will figure out what works best for them. Avoid giving
   relationship advice unless it’s directly asked for, as unwanted advice
   may come across as criticism or disapproval.

   Never ask your child to take sides.

   Whatever you think of your child’s partner, don’t complain to your son
   or daughter about the person they married. This puts them in a tough
   position between two people that they love and when push comes to shove
   they will side with their partner. Unless you feel that their partner
   is truly endangering their wellbeing, it’s better not to say anything.

   Give your child and your relationship with your child the best chance
   for success.  Accept and love their spouse. For every fault you see in
   them, look for five positives. Being a parent of grown children is a
   new chapter of modeling emotional intelligence and self-control.

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