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M
Just Said Yes July 2019
Parent's in Law
Megan, on January 28, 2018 at 3:49 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0
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* Flag
So okay i have a question,
I don't get along with my future husband's mom at all. so he wants her
at our wedding (of course right). So do you guy's think we should set
rules for her to follow ?
example: If she start's drama then she will be asked to leave, or if
she start's bad mouthing us, she will be asked to leave?
is that fair enough for the both of us? as i'm paying for my whole
wedding and don't want it to get ruined.
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18 Comments
* WED18
July 1993
WED18 · on January 28, 2018 at 3:57 PM
+ Flag
This is your FMIL you're talking about so I would approach the
issue with some respect. If you truly think she might start drama,
then perhaps your FH should address this with her. I doubt giving
her a set of "rules" would result in less drama but instead would
fuel whatever angst she has towards you.
+ Reply
* The Trap Selena
Master March 2016
The Trap Selena · on January 28, 2018 at 3:57 PM
+ Flag
He needs to be standing up for you so if he’s not the one telling
her that her behavior needs to stop, then there’s an issue. If he
agrees that her behavior is unacceptable, he should let her know
that if it happens at your wedding, she’ll be asked to leave. But
this goes beyond the wedding. He should also be telling her that
you’re his (future) wife and if her behavior continues period, then
he’ll be reevaluating his relationship with her.
+ Reply
* 2d Bride
Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on January 28, 2018 at 4:30 PM
+ Flag
If there were a specific thing (e.g., she's an alcoholic, and you
don't want her getting falling down drunk), you might be able to do
it. But bad mouthing or drama is pretty vague. I think you just
have to deal with it if the situation arises. And even then, he
(not you) should be the one to talk to her. That way, she has to
deal with her own son, and it's less likely to make your future
relationship even worse.
+ Reply
* Brittany
Devoted October 2018
Brittany · on January 28, 2018 at 4:42 PM
+ Flag
I agree with the others, it's not you that should be addressing
this, it's your FH that needs to talk to her.
+ Reply
* AQuixoticBride
VIP July 2018
AQuixoticBride · on January 28, 2018 at 4:58 PM
+ Flag
Setting "rules" beforehand might backfire on you. I'm a pretty nice
person and if someone came up on me and said I better act a certain
way or I would have to leave, I would be pretty tempted to test
them on it. More than just focusing on the behavior at the wedding,
your FH and her probably need to work something out about
coexisting anyway. You all don't have to like each other, but
ideally you respect each other and your respective relationships.
+ Reply
* MrsMcK
VIP September 2017
MrsMcK · on January 28, 2018 at 5:11 PM
+ Flag
Seriously? It's her son's wedding. What are you worried she's going
to do?
+ Reply
* KitandKaboodle
Master November 2016
KitandKaboodle · on January 28, 2018 at 5:17 PM
+ Flag
IMPO, you shouldn't be discussing this with her. He should discuss
this with her and his father.
+ Reply
* Rebecca
Devoted May 2019
Rebecca · on January 28, 2018 at 5:38 PM
+ Flag
Girl I understand you completely. My FMIL has already thrown a fit
at SO many things (ex. having beer/wine at the wedding instead of a
dry wedding, not having FFIL as the BM, she thinks my dress is
trampy because it is a v-neck... too much to deal with). Honestly I
would make sure your FH handles her. It will come a lot better from
him and she will know it is serious. The more it comes from you and
not him, the more she will try to prove she can do whatever bc you
are marrying her little boy.
+ Reply
* Elizabeth
Master December 2016
Elizabeth · on January 28, 2018 at 5:43 PM
+ Flag
No, you can't make "rules" for your future in-law. If you're doing
your wedding day right, you won't even notice she's there, no
matter what she does.
+ Reply
* The Bride
VIP May 2017
The Bride · on January 28, 2018 at 5:46 PM
+ Flag
She's about to be your family. If you impose rules on her or
attempt to make her leave, you're going to have much bigger
problems than having your day ruined. Where is your fiance in all
of this?
+ Reply
* Dillydilly
Dedicated April 2018
Dillydilly · on January 28, 2018 at 5:51 PM
+ Flag
This sounds as though is already bad blood between you and her; it
also sounds like you are trying to control what she ways and does
at your wedding.
Relax, stay calm and take the higher road. If she is all out drunk,
your hubby/his family can deal with her. DO NOT approach her with a
laundry list of things she can and can't do - it will end very
poorly. If there is something bigger, it is the role of your fiance
to speak to her.
+ Reply
* Amanda
Expert June 2018
Amanda · on January 28, 2018 at 6:32 PM
+ Flag
It might just be me, but asking her to leave her own house might be
a bit too bold. If you are that worried I would just look for
somewhere else to have the wedding. Also if you don't get along
with her and you do have the wedding there it can go one of two
ways 1 she he's it over you forever that without her you wouldn't
have had a wedding.
2 you feel beholden to her or feel very pressured to perform for
her.
+ Reply
* Amanda
Expert June 2018
Amanda · on January 28, 2018 at 6:51 PM
+ Flag
I miss read the post... feeling dumb but don't know how to hide it.
Sorry.
+ Reply
* E
Super October 2017
Emily · on January 28, 2018 at 11:06 PM
+ Flag
My MIL has a tendency to cause problems. She very dramatically did
not show up to my bridal shower which she helped pay for. So I
partly understand what you are feeling... however, we get along
because no matter what she says or does, she is my husband's mother
and she deserves my respect. Our lives will be better if I don't
increase the divide in his family. I also know he will always have
my back if needed.
That being said there were some issues during our wedding day and
she tried to cause a scene. However, we had already discussed what
we thought may happen (we were wrong, but it allowed us to prepare
how we would handle issues). My focus was on my new husband and
being in the moment during our wedding. It affected him more, which
I feel badly about, but it's easier for me to move beyond her
issues than it is for him because she is not my mom.
Point is we knew that she was likely to be dramatic and she was. We
did not try to set "rules" for her to follow because that is
ridiculous since she is an adult. We prepared ourselves for how we
would handle it and knew that any dramatics would reflect poorly on
her and not affect the fact that we are getting married.
+ Reply
* Katie
Super June 2019
Katie · on January 29, 2018 at 1:09 AM
+ Flag
I have no advice that hasn't already been said, but I'm so sorry
you have to deal with this. I get along with my FH's family so well
and it makes me sad when I see things like this. I'm hoping she can
pull it together and just let you two be happy, but I know that's a
long shot. Best of luck!
+ Reply
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