Want to get on with the mother-in-law? Make sure you stand up to her: Taking an assertive approach will persuade them you make an intended spouse happy
- Study of 738 Greek-Cypriots identified best approaches to win over in-laws
- The 'I am right for your child' tactic said to help persuade doubting parents
- Study found worst strategy was to avoid dealing with the in-laws yourself
- Discovered it may actually be easier to win over mothers than fathers
If your future mother-in-law thinks you’re not suitable for her darling son or daughter, don’t shower her with gifts and compliments – stand up to her instead.
Scientists have found that the best way to win over future in-laws is to take an assertive approach and directly persuade them you will make your intended spouse happy.
It may seem counter-intuitive, but this tactic – dubbed the ‘I am right for your child’ approach – helped win over doubting fathers and mothers, a study found.
Scientists have found that the best way to win over future in-laws is to take an assertive approach and directly persuade them you will make your intended spouse happy (file picture)
The worst strategy was to avoid dealing with the in-laws yourself and instead to ask your sweetheart to lobby on your behalf.
The researchers dubbed this tactic the ‘tell them I’m good’ method.
And despite the traditional view of the judgmental mother-in-law, the study found that it may actually be easier to win over mothers than fathers.
In his research paper, Professor Menelaos Apostolou said that children frequently choose mates who do not appeal to their parents.
For instance, they may fall for individuals who are physically attractive, while their parents are more concerned with social standing and family background.
He said: ‘Parents do not always find their children’s mate choices to comply with their own preferences and engage in manipulation in order to drive away undesirable boyfriends and girlfriends.
He added: ‘To avoid this situation, individuals engage in counter manipulation in order to change their prospective parents-in-law’s minds to accept them as mates for their children.’
The study of 738 Greek-Cypriots identified approaches that were most likely to be used to win over in-laws, which Professor Apostolou grouped into seven tactics.
First was the ‘I am right for your child’ tactic, in which suitors demonstrate to the prospective parents-in-law how good they are as mates for their children.
Following this came the ‘I do not deserve this!’ strategy, in which they demonstrate to their mate’s parents that they do not warrant their rejection.
Despite the traditional view of the judgmental mother-in-law, the study found that it may actually be easier to win over mothers than fathers (file picture)
Third most common was the ‘Why don’t you like me?’ approach, in which suitors try to determine why the parents disapprove and try to change their minds.
Other tactics include ‘No confrontation’ and ‘You have to accept the situation!’ in which they can threaten the parents by suggesting they risk never seeing their grandchildren.
There was also the ‘Approach’ strategy, in which lovers try to grow closer to the in-laws by inviting them for dinner and buying gifts.
Finally there is the ‘Tell them I am good’ tactic in which the partner is drafted in to persuade their own parents of their lover’s virtues.
Professor Apostolou also questioned 414 Greek-Cypriot parents to find out how effective the tactics were in the battle to win their hearts.
The ‘I am right for your child’ and ‘No confrontation’ tactics were the favourites whereas ‘approach’ and ‘Tell them I am good!’ were least likely to be successful.
The results also suggest that mothers may be more likely to be won over than fathers.
The study was far from perfect however.
It was limited by the fact it relied on self-reported data and was based on a single culture, meaning its results may not apply readily across the board.
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