I am really worried that I am having a nervous breakdown, I feel like I cant cope with simple daily things anymore. I have had PND in the past with both my sons but this is so so much worse and is scaring me.
I cant cope with my children when they are being loud and running around its like my head keeps spinning and my mind is going to explode, I lose my temper and shout at them all the time and they can be naughty but most of the time its just being kids, I did write a post about my hyper kids as I do feel like they are out of control at times but maybe its me that is the one that just cant cope. If the kids keep asking me over and over again to have something or want something I honestly feel like my brain is going to explode or I am going to have a heart attack, I shoudlnt feel like this.
I often think daily of running away from my husband and kids and just going away for a while and somedays I have been close to it, packing my suitcase looking at flights etc
I am so low that I cant even be bothered to make an effort with friends, I will make excuses not to go to things, wont answer the phone, my friend has come along to visit and I have pretended not to be in as I cant face talking to anyone.
Simple little things such as putting my son to football or swimming seems like a huge task and I panic all the time, I start getting stressed out if he is fooling around and not getting changed in case we are late, I come out in sweats and panic until he is actually there and in the class.
If I have more than a couple of things to do in a day like maybe go to the supermarket and post office then put my youngest to nursery I will go into a panic and start stressing out about it, these are just every day things that never used to be a problem and now its spiralling out of control.
The only time that I can be at peace is when both kids are at school/nursery and I can sit in complete silence and even then I just sit and cry.
I feel like I am some sort of freak, that is a horrible word but that is honestly how I feel right now, I think I might even be a bit OCD I cant bear to see crumbs on the floor and it can be just one crumb and I cant handle it. I worry at night that I havent switched everything off and can stand for ages at night staring at the cooker making sure all switches are at 0 and even though I know they are my mind still makes me look to make sure, now I know you all must think I am a looney and I am starting to feel like one.
My husband has noticed a change in me and my mood, I am not a nice person to be around I cant even bring myself to talk to him somedays and he has done nothing wrong at all, he is an excellent father and has a lot of patience with me but I can see that wearing thin and even the fear of losing him doesnt make me snap out of it.
Do you think I am having a breakdown? I dont know much about nervous breakdowns but I feel like I am having one, every day it gets worse and worse and dont know how much I can take of this anymore please someone help me xx